Your Global Domination status report
The Network continues to grow, as they entice more and more to go online and surrender all privacy.
Shangri-La managed to protect their secret base, despite an attack from the Sons of Cthulhu with earthquake machines.
The Society of Assasins is withdrawing and regrouping, as their violent tactics are no longer working.
The Discordians are oddly quiet. What are they planning this round? Could it be that they now control the Democrats in the USA?
And of course, the Bavarian Illuminati are dominating the game, and now have puppets in the Russian, the Chinese and the Italian governments. But keep an eye on Gambia, as they may make a move there whilst Zimbabwe distracts everybody.
(Note: this is all parody. Don't blame me if men in black show up at your door some night. Fnord.)